8 Reasons My Car May Be Duct Taped

Have you ever been driving around, minding your own business, when you pull up behind a car that makes you want to apologize to the nearest tree? You feel like your carbon footprint went from that cute little baby birth certificate kind, to molds of Sasquatch proportions just because you got too close. Ok – I’ve never felt that way either… just checking.

I do own a couple vehicles, though that would cause at least a little embarrassment for the vehicularly squeamish. I qualify for the Elite Lemon Membership level in the Junky Car Club (Yes that is a real club, check the link). Over 330,000 miles between our two family vehicles (one of which is currently sitting in the driveway waiting for a new starter). Not so sadly, the time for upgrading is upon us. I’ll miss the duct tape. Yes, I said duct tape. Here are some potential reasons I may have duct tape on my car:

  • I’m going for that NASCAR look. By the way, anyone else impressed with Trevor Bayne? Wow!
  • It keeps the tail lights in. They just don’t make those plastic clips like they used to.
  • Better aero. It keeps the front end down in the corners. Seriously, the Caravan’s rear end is so loose 3 rounds of wedge aren’t enough to tighten up that backside.
  • I like to bump draft. Who doesn’t?
  • It’s cheaper than a new paint job at Maaco. Plus I have the flexibility of rearranging my stripes every once in a while – new tally mark for each squirrel I hit dodge. Dodge, I said dodge!
  • It keeps my “custom windows” from flapping in the wind. The sound of that plastic sheeting when it’s too loose is just so annoying.
  • Some of my students thought it would be funny to “saran-wrap” my car with duct tape. They’re just jealous ‘cuz I can drive.
  • I like to spell out messages to other motorists. “Honk if you want to bump draft.”

So, imagine you roll up on a car with duct tape… Why is it there?

3 Replies to “8 Reasons My Car May Be Duct Taped”

  1. A small piece attached to the steering wheel and tuck the roll between the accelerator and the brake pedal and you have autopilot. Of course that only works on I-70, I-80 and I-90.

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