Bad News About That Pardon

Some turkeys have all the luck. About 200 million turkeys will be eaten in the United States this year – a large percentage of which will be consumed tomorrow! But just a few days ago, two of them received the coveted Presidential pardon. One of those quirky little holiday traditions that don’t quite make a lot of sense… two turkeys (the star and his alternate) are culled from the masses to be saved from your dinner plate.

Hooray for freedom… right?

But what happens then? We can safely assume that these birds aren’t just turned loose to wander the West Wing, and you know what’s going down if they start messing around in the garden. No, the pardoned turkeys over the past decade or so have gone on to live out the rest of their genetically altered lives in such amazing locales as Disney Land, Disney World, or the (hopefully) ironically named Frying Pan Park (I did not make that up, it’s an actual place – here’s a link).

How great must it be to be those pardoned turkeys? Maybe a gig at the head of Disney’s parade… A nice jaunt in the woods when the mood strikes… No fat guy trying to squelch your gobble… Just kick back, watch the Lions get massacred, do a little shopping…

Actually it’s not that great. Today’s turkeys are bred to be eaten. Those tender cuts of white meat goodness may look great on the plate, but they don’t do a turkey body any good. They actually lead to an early demise for poor Tom. Despite their pardon, the turkeys usually die within the year, anyway.

Oh, well.

Let’s eat!

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